I had an idea what kind of pictures I liked taking, but since doing this "Picture of the day" it has really shown me what I really enjoy taking! Nature up and close! Something about it make me smile.
Today it has been raining non stop and when I was tucking E into nap, I looked out his window and saw the rain hanging on the tree branches... it triggered me into wanting to go out there and take some pictures of it. Well, they didn't turn out as neat, or how one can see it with the naked eye (or with contacts) , so I started to wander the back yard.. I was able to get some pretty pictures! Up close... Its a natural fault of mine, but I enjoy it! So I hope you don't mind nature close up! heehee
Thanks for taking a looksie!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Last of the firsts
Its seems crazy to think that the last of the firsts have already begun. To think that on the 31st of December is when I went with my Mom for her CT scan and that's when they found nodules on her liver. That led to the 6th of Jan for a biopsy of her liver.
On the 5th of this month I went with my Dad to the hospital because he was to have a procedure done, that ended up not being done, but we were in the same place that I was with her a year ago. I was able to look into that empty bay and see her there and envision that whole time over again. While it was a bit saddening to do, it was also a blessing, for I got to feel close to her again.
Tomorrow the 8th, will be the day that I took her in to the doctors office and the day our doctor told us that she had cancer on her liver.... and her pancreas. Its crazy. I think these firsts are way harder then the other firsts, because you are reliving the hard times, the times that made you cry, made you feel insecure, made you feel as though your world was falling apart...reliving what you never wanted to face and most of all reliving all of your emotions in order as if they happened now.
There is one thing though... I am thankful that the last of these firsts are almost behind me. Life is starting to feel a bit better. I have been put on some medication that I probably should have stuck to way back in march..but didn't. I have had depression before... three times to be exact that I was medicated for. But this time, was different. I didn't feel the same way as I did after having my sweet babies. This depression was of its own. Sure I had those days of I knew I was depressed, but over all I didn't think I was. I was having all sorts of weird pains in my abdomen, and had tests done to find out what was going on. It came back that it was my gallbladder, and they thought maybe I should have it removed. Well, it was then that I started to take my medication for depression (even though I had it for a week, I wanted to wait until we figured out what the pain was) The next day I felt hope.. felt a bit better about being up. As the days went on and I continued to take my pill, the pain started to dissipate. While I have a few pains here and there, I think the pain was caused by my depression, along with stress of the season and others things. Crazy to think that something that seems so simple could cause so much pain. I really thought how I was feeling was just stress and feeling over whelmed with the season along with missing my Mom, but indeed it was another form of depression and anxiety.
I'm looking forward to these last firsts, because that means that life can move forward, that peace can re-enter our lives again. I will always miss my Mom.... but when that last first is over, I can start remembering the good times, and celebrating her life as it was.. not the "shes not here" moments. In fact we just signed the girls up for a Polynesian dance class... something I know my Mom would be SO excited for! Just knowing she would be excited... makes me feel better about life, and I know she is with us, as she told the girls "I might not be here with you on earth, but I will always be with you in your heart". That she is, Forever in our hearts!
I love you Mom... but you know that xoxoxo
On the 5th of this month I went with my Dad to the hospital because he was to have a procedure done, that ended up not being done, but we were in the same place that I was with her a year ago. I was able to look into that empty bay and see her there and envision that whole time over again. While it was a bit saddening to do, it was also a blessing, for I got to feel close to her again.
Tomorrow the 8th, will be the day that I took her in to the doctors office and the day our doctor told us that she had cancer on her liver.... and her pancreas. Its crazy. I think these firsts are way harder then the other firsts, because you are reliving the hard times, the times that made you cry, made you feel insecure, made you feel as though your world was falling apart...reliving what you never wanted to face and most of all reliving all of your emotions in order as if they happened now.
There is one thing though... I am thankful that the last of these firsts are almost behind me. Life is starting to feel a bit better. I have been put on some medication that I probably should have stuck to way back in march..but didn't. I have had depression before... three times to be exact that I was medicated for. But this time, was different. I didn't feel the same way as I did after having my sweet babies. This depression was of its own. Sure I had those days of I knew I was depressed, but over all I didn't think I was. I was having all sorts of weird pains in my abdomen, and had tests done to find out what was going on. It came back that it was my gallbladder, and they thought maybe I should have it removed. Well, it was then that I started to take my medication for depression (even though I had it for a week, I wanted to wait until we figured out what the pain was) The next day I felt hope.. felt a bit better about being up. As the days went on and I continued to take my pill, the pain started to dissipate. While I have a few pains here and there, I think the pain was caused by my depression, along with stress of the season and others things. Crazy to think that something that seems so simple could cause so much pain. I really thought how I was feeling was just stress and feeling over whelmed with the season along with missing my Mom, but indeed it was another form of depression and anxiety.
I'm looking forward to these last firsts, because that means that life can move forward, that peace can re-enter our lives again. I will always miss my Mom.... but when that last first is over, I can start remembering the good times, and celebrating her life as it was.. not the "shes not here" moments. In fact we just signed the girls up for a Polynesian dance class... something I know my Mom would be SO excited for! Just knowing she would be excited... makes me feel better about life, and I know she is with us, as she told the girls "I might not be here with you on earth, but I will always be with you in your heart". That she is, Forever in our hearts!
I love you Mom... but you know that xoxoxo
Saturday, January 2, 2010
A picture a day
Doug came to me with this idea that he had seen. A picture a day for the whole year! He thought this would be fun to see how the year changed... he also thought I would have fun at it as well.
So I'm taking the challenge of taking at least one picture a day. I know that some might come out of the panic of "I just need something!" but it will be fun non the less. So I hope you will enjoy it as well! You will find the link to the right side of the page... enjoy! :D
So I'm taking the challenge of taking at least one picture a day. I know that some might come out of the panic of "I just need something!" but it will be fun non the less. So I hope you will enjoy it as well! You will find the link to the right side of the page... enjoy! :D
Friday, January 1, 2010
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