Pushing Forward

That is my goal... to push forward. To do things that are outside of my box, and learn to adjust to it. I have done it so far, and have been ok about it as well. That's a good thing!

As far as the medication thing, I halved the caplets that I had left, and have been taken them for 6 days now. Now it will be a every other day until they are gone. I have been feeling really good. Not as tired as I had been, and in Doug's words "happier, like the smaller dose is better for you. Maybe you were being over medicated" Perhaps I was, but non the less, I still want off of this brand.
I have been a bit more moody, short tempered. I'm finding myself raising my voice when I feel stressed. So I need to avoid things that place me in a rush, and find a way to take a step back.
Right now I don't know if I will be able to be completely off medication, but I hope one day to be at that point. There is one other medication I would try, if it comes to that point. I just need to take it one day at a time.

So one day at a time it is... I have offered to take more "people" pictures, and will be learning more about that and more about my camera as well as the editing program. I am looking forward to getting a new lens for my camera, thanks to my Mom and Dad. It will allow me to take REALLY up close pictures as well as portrait. I hope to find a avenue to place my pictures and start selling them to.
So either it will be "baby steps" or a "giant leap" Or maybe somewhere in between... I will just have to see :]

Life is good... I just have to remember to see it that way.

Blessed with Love

Whew!

I got enough courage to call, and thankfully got it cleared out. I will be "halving" my caplets manually, and taking them for the reminder of 6 days. Then he wants me to take a medication vacation. I pray that this will be good for me, and my family. I pray that I wont "need" the medication.
We are going to try therapy as well. Perhaps a monthly visit is what I need to get through it all. That is one of the many reasons I miss my Mom. She was the best therapist ever!!

WTH

I cant believe what I was just told.
Well I got the phone call... and it wasnt at all what I thought it would have been. I was just told to go ahead and stop taking the medication. Just stop. And because the kind I have is a caplet, I just have to stop.

I'm sitting here in disbelief. I know what I went through the last time I skipped a few days to get on a night time thing. To tell you the truth, Im scared as hell. I should call back and say what the heck... but why? I feel like I am crazy... why else wouldn't the medication work for me? Its all in my head. UMM DONT THINK SO! And no, no one said anything of the sort... its just how I feel when you are hoping that you would be weaned off the medication, not just told to jump ship and hope you find land before you drown.

So now what? I don't know. I suppose it will get figured out. Faith... that's what I need to run with.

Meds 2 - me 1

Its been about a month since switching medication, and with that I have been on two different kinds. The first one was awful! Besides feeling like I wanted to be done with it all, I had hot flashes from hell! Just walking from my bedroom to the kitchen cause my body to feel like it was on fire. So my Doc took me off of the two meds, and put me on another. Yet again, after 3 weeks of this crap I feel awful!. I'm thinking that being on nothing was better then being on something that makes you extremely tired, irritable, moody, nausea, did I mention tired? Dreams are a whole other thing. Talk about feeling as though they are real, then having some blend into your day to day life, and the worst one seeing my little boy get hit by a car and watching his head break open like a watermelon. Yes, just what I wanted in a medication. I also had a severe withdrawal a couple weekends ago. I was trying to switch to night to take the medication. I felt GREAT Saturday. Sunday came and in the morning I was more less high and happy, by noon I was sicker then I had been, and by night I was in on the bathroom floor wanting to puke, crying so hard because I couldn't take it anymore. Needless to say it was because I had gone a day and a half without the medication. I was able to have a blessing that was so great... I honestly felt something being taken from me. While I still felt ill, I was able to rest and felt better in the morning.
Over the next week... its just been more of the same. I finally called and left a message this morning, saying I wanted off this stuff. I hope to get a call back with what I want to hear. I cant go another week like he wanted me to. It sucks.

So there you go... a up date. Medication can be good, so long your body likes it.

A must read

http://www.danoah.com/2010/09/disease-called-perfection.html