While I'm am so grateful that I have this time with my mom, it saddens me when I think of the times that I wont get to have with her. The times I will need to talk with her, but wont because she wont be that phone call away. It really sucks.
Today I spent most of it with her in her home. I was able to help her as well as my dad. Ethan was really good there, and that made it easier on me. It was so sweet to see Ethan playing with my mom in her bed. He brought some toys in to share. But there was a moment where all my Mom could do was take hold of Ethan and cry. She kept saying how much she loved him. It hurt. It made me so very sad to think he wont remember much of her. I took some more pictures of the two because I want him to know just how much she loves him.
Its just tearing me apart. I try to be so strong. I do ok most of the time, as long as I'm not thinking about the what not's. But as soon as i think about the what not's... I just start to bawl. It hurts to think my Mom wont be there for this or that. Sure in spirit. But that only helps for a moment.
I suppose I'm in the "why" stage. Why does my mom have to be ill? Why does she have to have something that is so vicious that its taking her aways from me and my loved ones? Why does she have to go so soon? Why cant she be cured? They can freaking clone a animal for goodness sakes, why cant they find a damn cure for cancer?? Its just not fair, nor right. I want my mom alive and well for a long time!
I feel for everyone who has had to go through this ugliness! I'm so sorry for those who have lost a loved one from cancer, or anything for that matter. It just plainly sucks. And I hate it. Hates a strong word to use...but I can honestly say... I HATE CANCER!
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6 comments:
Misty,
I was bawling by the end. I am so sorry you have to go through this. I know it has to suck. You will make it through this horrid trial and know why eventually. As for now, my heart goes out to you and your family!
sorry. I dont mean this to be so sad, but its the one place i can get it out...Im not good with pen to paper. typing is so much easier for me. Thanks for your support. I need all i can get. I can honestly say just how grateful I am for moving to this street/home. Even through our trial with this home.
Thanks everyone for being there for me in my time of need. I love you all!
Oh it is way to early for me to have read that. I can't quit crying. You are correct, cancer does SUCK!! I love you!! Please know that I am here for you whatever you need.
Misty I am so sorry I can't even imagine what it must feel like and the emoitions that you are going through. Just know I love ya and what ever I can do I will be more than happy to help in any way I possiable can.
I'm sorry Misty! Cancer does suck and all we can do is pray for a cure one of these year! I love you and am praying for comfort for you and your mother and the rest of your family..
love ya, misty. i'm sorry for the emotional pain and suffering you are experiencing as you fight alongside your mom in her battle with cancer. we are definitely praying for her, praying for peace for your family and we pray she is not in too much pain. cancer can happen to any of us, it's not fair, and it's not just but it happens. your mom will always be by your side, whether it's physically or spiritually. i'm sure it breaks her heart to see you so sad and upset, and i'm sure she wishes she could make it all better... thank goodness for the peace the gospel brings. for the knowledge that we have that families can and will be together forever. that if it is her time, it will not be goodbye forever, but just for a little while. oh my thoughts and prayers are with your entire family. please let me know if you need some girl bonding time. you are so special. and so loved.
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